He Ain't Heavy

He's my brother.

He was 16 when I was born.  We were part of two different generations: his generation lived  Woodstock, my Woodstock had Snoopy as a best friend.  He loved the Beatles, while I lived in the technopop music wasteland that was the 80's.  He drove a Slug Bug, the original Beetle: I lived when Hondas had more plastic than a middle aged actress.

Today is his seventh Angel Birthday.  While it isn't officially recognized, he gave his life in service to his country.

Like 58,220 others his age, he gave his life in defense of the United States of America during he Vietnam War.  He was drafted to the United States Army, and served two tours of duty.  He eventually was involved in action in Cambodia.  He earned the Silver Star and the Bronze Star for valor.  He had a story of life and limb for every day he was in Southeast Asia.  Two tours of duty means that was a LONG time.

He said he remembered being in the jungle when they dumped Agent Orange on him.  He said this happened on many occasions.  It was part of life of a soldier in Vietnam.

Fast forward through getting married, raising two daughters, and having a career as a management accountant.  In his career, no one could close a factory like my brother.  He knew exactly how the numbers worked, and exactly how to do it.  His military training helped him immensely.

He started to have health problems, first associated with his heart.  He had a stent placed.  Then the nosebleeds started.  The blood flowed freely, strongly and became harder to stop.  He sought medical treatment.  It was only the beginning.

A sinus tumor was located, eventually diagnosed as an esthesioneuroblastoma.  It is a rare cancer, and not officially a diagnosis related to Agent Orange.  It was eventually treated with a surgical intervention, beginning with the face being moved out of the way to get at the sinus.  Follow this with chemotherapy and radiation at Level 4.  Providing a frame of reference for that: there is no Level 5.

His military training showed again.  In those stories of life and limb, he said they all started with the decision that he was coming out the other side, no matter what.  He approached his cancer with the same mindset.  Winston Churchill once said, "When going through hell, make sure you go quickly."

He was eventually declared cancer free, and for 18 months, things were fine.  If you consider having your vision altered and the loss of taste and smell fine.  He was alive, and that is everything.

At that time, the tingling headaches started.  The follow up MRI showed a mass inside the brain.  Level 4 treatments were still too recent.  Follow up treatment was not likely to be effective.  He chose to live what he had left, as well as possible.

That Christmas Eve, when my family gathers, will live on in our memories, as we all piled into cars and drove to his house.  His wife and daughters came out to hug, kiss, and cry.  We had the news four days later.  He was not officially killed by Agent Orange exposure, defending his country, but was just as gone at age 58.  It is far too soon.

At his celebration of life, the DVD running pictures showed him in Vietnam, with the men he served. Someone asked if any of those men were here on that day.  My sister in law said he was the only one who made it home.  As the kid brother, I always knew I was lucky he made it home.

My relationship with him revolved around sports.  We replayed baseball games in the backyard, pored over stats and talked about what the next scheduled game would be like.  When I was diagnosed with my hip injury, he drove to Fort Wayne from Pennsylvania to come see me.  As a coach, the awareness ribbon for Head and Neck Cancer, Maroon and White, are on my hat.  He helped me learn the numbers that help me make the decisions.  He's never far from my mind on a ballfield.

I call to mind another friend who is deploying to Afghanistan as I write.  I pray for your safety, both mind and body.

I would be a lot to write about this week.  NFL playoffs being set.  College football playoffs on Thursday.  College basketball starting the conference season.  A whole new year starting.  It's an exciting time.  Sports fans come alive as they build towards an ultimate game.

They are just games.  If you have a great coach, they teach you how to play the more important game, too.

So...am I off base?